Words Help Shape Who We Are

Language. It impacts all of us, every day. Recently, I had a discussion about word usage that I think is worth discussing here.

How do you communicate?

I had a friend of mine evaluate the way he phrases things during conversation. He laughed at me, but did what I asked. When we started talking about the word choices he made, the conversation got very interesting.

For example, my friend has a habit of using declarative sentences. More than once I have tried to explain that what in other conversations might be a question or an oppportunity to share becomes an order from him. He said I was being silly. So, I asked him to mentally make a note (or really do it if he thought he'd forget), every time he started a sentence with the phrase "You should."

When we got together to talk about what I'd asked, before he shared his results with me he asked me why that phrase mattered. I pointed out that every time a sentence starts "You should" you're giving someone an order, a directive.

"You should cut your hair."
versus
"Have you considered a new style for your hair when you get it done next?"

"You should wash your car."
versus
"Want to go to the car wash with me?"

The conversation becomes less combative, less confrontational. I asked my friend to try changing his "You Should" statements into questions, just once or twice in a day.

I am pleased to report that he's happier with the conversations he has, and the other people around him have found talking with him far more pleasant.

I love words, and I know they impact people in very powerful ways. I try (and succeed at times) to use words carefully, and understand how the way I say things is as important as the meaning behind them. I liked having the opportunity to go over words with my friend, and hear how he perceives things I say. I learned a lot about how I influence conversation as well.

Sticks and stones, and childhood games, help shape who we are and what we share with the world. One of the most precious pieces of ourselves we share are our words. When you speak with someone, what do you show to them? How do you share your ideas and dreams? Are the words you choose the words you mean? Things to think about....