The Way My World Is Going to Work

In recent months, I have been on an unpredictable medical journey. Multiple organ systems have been presenting symptoms, medications and therapeutic approaches have been at odds at times, and in general I have been a medical pain in the ass.

My most recent complications have been with blood pressure, stress, blood clots and stress.

Two weeks from Monday, I go into surgery. Several situations have arisen recently which have caused me physical pain. Quite literally, I have to stop the stress in my life for fear of another medical crisis. So now the rules have to change. I want the expectations I have to be very clear so that everyone understands what I need, what I do not need, and what will never be tolerated again.

1. My Husband is how you contact me. He will know everything that is going on, and if you want to see me, talk to me, or send me something, it will be filtered through him first. This is not negotiable. If he says no, the answer is no. I do not care who you are. The answer is no. If you text, call or send me a social media message, do not expect a response. My response will depend on several things, including how much stress responding will cause, and it may just not happen. If your situation is emergent, of course, emergency rules apply.

2. I will not respond to emotional terrorism. Passive aggressive has never been my favorite style of communication, and it is causing me harm now. Actions of this nature are a deal breaker and will be grounds for your removal from my life. I am not kidding.

3.  I am uncomfortable with how sick I am. I'm not excited about it, I'm actually pretty pissed off about it. And I am still functioning at a comparably normal level. I have a team of doctors working with me to ensure my health and well-being. This means three things:

• I appreciate all of the suggestions and advice. I may not take it, because of the quirks of my particular medical reality. That does not mean I am unappreciative of your experience, and it does not mean that I cannot benefit from hearing about your experience. Having said that, I am at a point where I'd rather talk about something else.
• I am an adult. I understand, perhaps more acutely than I am being given credit for, the impact of everything I do on my health at this point. Unless you are My Mom, who has full permission to get as crazy as she needs to because she's My Mom and it's her job right now, please bare this in mind.
• I need friends: not nannies, nurses or lectures. My medical health is being handled by my medical team. Questions are encouraged, orders are not. This is non-negotiable.

4. I am not going to chase friendships. You know where I am. I will happily maintain connections where the interactions are reciprocal in respect as well as effort and affection.

5. I deserve to be a priority, not an afterthought. And I will be continuing interactions and connections that reflect that.