Songs of Self

I always associate my life with water. Good, bad, indifferent - I can encapsulate every moment of my life in a nautical metaphor. The cool breath of the breeze slid comforting fingers over my shoulders last weekend when I had company - a friend, a champion, an inspiration, a sister.


I keep thinking about laughter from last weekend. There are different tones when you know someone well. A familiar chuckle can become effervescent, sparkling when surprise takes hold. A hearty giggle can linger even after you've forgotten why it was ever funny, and the wisp of delight caught on the edges of lips a thousand times seen and heard suddenly embeds in your mind; the best snapshot of a relationship long past words and explanations.


We spent a lot of time near and around water last weekend. That might have been a portion of why it rejuvenated me. I know the quiet conversations, with simple support, helped. I know there were moments of me being an awful ball of introspection, trying to ignore the gremlins in my brain building on whatever is lurking in my immediate future. There were also moments of unbridled delight.


Finding new adventures in make-up, exploring delicious ice cream options from local places. Dinners, homemade as well as purchased. Journeys, the scale of which range from great to small.


I want to see the ocean this year. I've never seen an ocean reflected in my husband's eyes. I haven't been to an ocean since 2007, when I visited my Aunt and cousin Heather in southern Florida.


That trip, as much as my friend visiting this past weekend, refreshed and invigorated me. I remembered pieces of myself fractured off. I hope I can walk on the beach this fall. I want to see my cousin get married. I want to see the rain fall on the beach again, and hear the world take a breath through the leaves of palms. I want the world to be under my feet again.