Today has been the perfect, breath-taking example of what my life means now.
8:00 am - seeing a doctor. I was told it was a quick follow up. Half an hour, maximum. I go into the appointment daydreaming about what I'll be able to accomplish at work today.
9:00 am - I'm exiting the appointment, being ushered to the "set up" window. I'll be setting up the laboratory tests that have been ordered, so we can explain what I thought were normal, not worrying symptoms which now have raised The Eyebrow of Concern. Great.
9:15 am - The doctor I haven't been able to get an appointment to see is called. His staff apologizes for my inconvenience. I am given an unexpected appointment this afternoon, at 4:10 pm. I'm also given a second appointment this afternoon. It's starting to dawn on me that my day at work is gone.
9:20 am - I'm scheduled for a CT Scan on Friday. With contrast. In the middle of the day because that's all they have. I'm given the prep (barium), the instructions, and wished well before I'm sent to get my laboratory testing.
11:30 am - I'm sitting down, trying to remember who else I need to call, or text, or whatever. I have to take Phenergan (anti-vomit medication) because I've been swallowing, trying desperately not to throw up. I am aware that I will be asleep by 1 pm, but I will not be driving at that time, so I'll be okay. I drink water, have some popsicles and try, in general, to settle down my stomach. I'm not winning.
(other appointments you really don't want to know about)
4:10 pm - Checked in, sitting quietly in the waiting room, taking notes from my day. I'm not seen until after 4:30, but that's not terrible. The Doctor was more personable than usual. He raised The Eyebrow of Concern, after realizing I've been missing for 6 months. He explains that he wants to perform a twilight anesthesia requiring procedure, because he's concerned about what's going on with me. He's coordinating with my liver specialist, and will be forcing me into his schedule this week. THIS WEEK. This week.
ADDED BONUS: I have been presented at Cleveland Clinic as a "remarkable" case. Per my endowed chair of a physician: "Jess, you are an outlier. Completely."
I did not get home until after 8 pm. I've submitted paperwork for my job, done ALL the dishes in the kitchen and had a shower. I am ignoring all other adult things at this point because my ability to cope is gone and I do not give a damn.
I will not be able to eat until this weekend, except for popsicles and juices and jell-o and air. I'm not happy about it, but I'll take it as easy as I can if it helps keep me out of the hospital after all this irritation. I anticipate sleeping through the weekend.
This is a normal week. This isn't even a BAD week.
This is my life.